Value stay-home parents, create a flexi-work culture

We should value stay-home parents more

Kids growing up without being cared for by parents could lose the nurturing instinct themselves

by Venessa Lee

Source: Todayonline  Mar 23, 2011

As we puzzle over how to boost our fertility rates, perhaps we should pay more heed to supporting different childcare choices, including stay-home parenting. 

At a recent focus group discussion on parenthood issues, some participants' views suggested that we might be paying too little attention to how childcare norms have changed over the years - and the impact this has had on a generation now in their prime child-bearing years.

Participant Jenni Ho-Huan told Today: "In the '80s we had a large influx of maids; that really changed the social fabric of Singapore. We are paying the price now because these are the young adults of today (who) don't know anything about homemaking." 

Another participant, Ms Sherrie Yap, a stay-at-home-mum, sounded a cautionary note for generations to come: "The kids will follow what we do … if we relegate our responsibilities to maids and all that, in future, they're unlikely to take care of kids themselves too."

Read more here.

Working Too Hard = Low Fertility!!!

Editor's Note: There are two ends of the spectrum here: the 9-to-6 type low income group tend to have more children while the PMET (Professionals, Managers, Executives,Technicians) and the business people are caught in the rat race and have little energy nor time to afford more children. The only solution has to be left with individuals to decide what's important to them, money or family? No amount of Governement incentives will be helpful. The Government also needs to decide what is important for its people: Quality of Life or Never-ending Quest for Growth.

The fertility rate plunged to a historical low of 1.16 in 2010, down from 1.22 from 2009. 

Why working mum stopped at two, not 4

Source: The Straits Times Mar 19, 2011

THOUGH a working mother of two, I and my family do not have a maid but we are lucky to have parents who help mind our children and cook for us.

When my husband and I reach home around 8.30 every night, we take one child each and check their schoolwork or read to them. When they go to bed at 10pm, we do the household chores and wash up, which take about half an hour.

Sometimes, we contine with work we had to take home but if we are spared that, we have some downtime for ourselves. By the time we hit the sack around midnight, we are exhausted.

The routine may seem predictably easy but the little time we spend with our children is stressful because they are active and individualistic. Imposing or inculcating discipline takes a toll on us and we are often tired from lack of sleep, or good sleep.

So, when I was expecting for the third time two years ago, we made a very hard decision to terminate the pregnancy. We just did not have the energy to cope with a third because the first two had taken up all the energy we had.

So far, we have had six years of interrupted sleep and we are not prepared for more.

Finance was also a big consideration as I was almost out of a job then. If I had seen through the pregnancy, I would not have been able to get another job. Relying on a single income was simply too tough because we had to care for our parents as well.

Having two children was more than we could manage and having two more was just too much. Yes, my third pregnancy involved twins. The decision not to have them was doubly difficult.

Wendy Tan (Ms) 

Discrimination against pregnant women

Askmelah's note: While we have not heard the employer's side of the story below, it is true that some unscrupulous employers are culprits in discriminating pregnant employees. Likewise there are many horror stories from HR professionals who have bad experience with employees taking advantage of the four-months maternity leaves and immediately resigned upon return or resigned within a couple of months. There is no easy solution, both employers and employees should act with integrity and mutual respect. The government can also be more proactive in following up the cases and if necessary shame the individuals and companies which have a few such cases after investigations to serve as a warning to others (I suggest may be a central database to be accessible by HR professionals and maintained by MOM or HR association). The suggestion by Goh Lay sung (Madam) to impose a bond on the pregnant employees seems like a workable idea to prevent the abuse of payout which is essentially paid by tax payers.

Related links:

• Wrongful dismissal complaints filed by pregnant women up 33%

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Three months pregnant and fired

Why no maternity leave, despite having worked for employer for more than 90 days?

Letter from Jeslin Neo

Source: Todayonline Feb 24, 2011

THREE weeks ago, I was unceremoniously retrenched by my employer, a travel company. I was three months pregnant.

Having joined this company last September and placed on three months probation, I discovered my pregnancy in November and immediately informed the company.

Although I was reassured that I would receive fair treatment, my probation was extended by another three months in December. It cited my poor attendance as the reason for this.

I took a total of 6.5 days of unpaid leave due to bouts of sickness during a difficult first trimester and scheduled appointments with my gynaecologist. Upon knowing that the company was dissatisfied with my attendance, I rescheduled all appointments to the evenings so that I could go after work. On a number of occasions I even went to work despite being sick.

Finally, on Jan 31, just before Chinese New Year, my employment was terminated and I given a week's salary in lieu of notice. My letter of termination cited staff restructuring as the reason.

I have since then gone for several job interviews for positions related to my three years of experience in the travel industry. All of them baulked at my pregnancy, even when I declared that I would not claim maternity leave. One company candidly told me my pregnancy was a major consideration for them.

I am still unemployed.

I consider conceiving this child a gift to me but this joyous occasion has been tarnished by the retrenchment.

Now that I am almost four months pregnant, it is hard for me to get employed and with the baby due in July, this unemployment period could stretch to a year. I also have a two-year-old daughter to take care of, and with the medical costs of my pregnancy, my family is struggling to get by with the sudden loss of my income.

I have approached the Ministry of Manpower for help and have been advised to file a claim for maternity leave after giving birth. I have also written in about my unfair treatment but the outcome of that is anybody's guess.

The Employment Act clearly states that any pregnant staff (permanent, contractual or probation), having worked 90 days for an employer before the child's birth, is entitled to maternity leave.

I had worked for my former employer for more than 100 days and I do not understand why this rule is not enforced. The onus is still on the pregnant worker to file a claim. There should be a stronger support system in place to address the problems that we face.

If employers can fire expectant mothers at will, it is no wonder the birth rate is declining. I hope this sheds some light on the cruelties that some pregnant workers have to go through.

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 SME's side of a pregnant problem

Source: The Straits Times  Mar 10, 2011

A SME owner explains why some small firms are wary of employing pregnant women.

I HOPE my experience will help explain why small firms are wary of hiring pregnant women ('SMEs say maternity leave is a headache'; Monday). I own a small company with a total of six employees.

I employed a woman who discovered she was pregnant during her probation. But she did not inform me of her pregnancy until after she was confirmed. Once she was confirmed, she consumed all four months of her maternity leave although we appealed to her to stagger the leave over six months to alleviate our problem of staff shortage.

After she completed her maternity leave, she handed in her resignation, telling me that she had planned to quit the company a year ago but stayed on to claim her maternity benefits. In such cases, how does the Ministry of Manpower protect employers? The Central Provident Fund Board paid half the wages during the employee's maternity leave, a move aimed at encouraging staff to rejoin the workforce after giving birth.

But the benefit becomes a loophole for pregnant women to earn wages without working, when they do not return to work after their maternity leave.

To plug the loophole, the Government should introduce a one-year bond for this additional two months of wages.

Goh Lay sung (Madam)

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Wife's pregnancy woes at work

Pay cut at one company, asked to quit from another

Letter from Ang Yang Loong Edwin

Source: Todayonline.com   Jul 01, 2011

   

I AM not surprised that the birth rate in Singapore is declining as most companies are not supportive of women bearing more children. My wife and I have a one-year-old daughter. My wife is now pregnant with our second child.

During my wife's first pregnancy at her previous workplace, she was forced to take a 20-per-cent pay cut when she returned from maternity leave. The company cited unsatisfactory performance as the reason for the pay cut. 

While looking for new employment, my wife was frequently asked if she would be having a second child soon. Most companies told her upfront that they would not like to hire soon-to-be mothers. 

On June 28, a week after my wife told her boss of her latest pregnancy, she was asked to resign. 

The management cited unsatisfactory performance as the reason. 

However, my wife had only joined the company in March this year and was still undergoing training. 

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Unfair pregnancy queries

Source: The Straits Times  5 Nov 2011

MS SALINAHWATI Mohd Ali ('Improve job security for pregnant contract workers'; Wednesday) highlights a discriminatory practice quite prevalent in the private sector that the Ministry of Manpower must address.

When doctors conduct pre-employment medical check-ups, female candidates must declare whether they think they are pregnant, and doctors must check their status.

This should be disallowed as it gives potential male and non-pregnant candidates an unfair advantage in employment prospects.

It should also be unlawful to question a woman whether she intends to get pregnant in the near future as this provides reason for bias.

While employed, many women who then get pregnant are discriminated against by unenlightened employers, who craft any number of ways to terminate their services.

As Ms Salinahwati rightly concluded, the reason her latest company terminated her services - company re-organisation - is one such cynical excuse.

Feigning goodwill, the sack may also come with the disingenuous justification that further employment would be hazardous to maternal and foetal health.

That pregnant women are overly emotional, irrational and unproductive is a matter of opinion and not fact; it is supported only by anecdotal evidence.

The law must protect pregnant employees and impose prohibitive penalties against bosses who discriminate against such staff.

The exclusion by insurers of pregnancy-related medical conditions should also be reviewed, especially at a time when the low birthrate is such an acute concern.

Dr Yik Keng Yeong

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Gaps in government measures, says Aware

Source: The Straits Times  5 Nov 2011

MS SALINAHWATI Mohd Ali's letter ('Improve job security for pregnant contract employees'; Wednesday) reveals a gap in current government measures to protect pregnant women.

Contract workers who are pregnant have been left out of these special provisions, and this lack of protection is contrary to the requirements of the United Nations' Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (Cedaw).

The convention, which Singapore is party to, obliges the Government to 'prohibit, subject to the imposition of sanctions, dismissal on the grounds of pregnancy or maternity leave'. The State is expected to take steps to ensure that pregnant women can continue to work. These include contract workers.

Laws protecting pregnant women should not apply only to permanent staff. This is a gap. The law should be extended to include pregnant contract workers.

In addition, the law has another gap as it is effected only after the first trimester. Thus, employers who fire pregnant women before they reach the fourth month of pregnancy can get away with such discriminatory practices. The law needs to be further strengthened by removing this limitation on the first trimester.

Lastly, in the absence of an anti-discrimination law, which we contend is essential, there ought to be enhanced and targeted public education on fair employment practices among employers.

The Tripartite Alliance for Fair Employment Practices is active in this area, but efforts appear to fall short as dismissals among pregnant women continue.

Braema Mathi (Ms)

 

Chair, Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware), Cedaw committee

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Penalised over maternity leave

Letter from Trillis Lim

Source: todayonline  May 25, 2012

THE Government has had numerous initiatives to boost the birth rate, so why does it continue to decline? One of the main contributing factors could be the lack of employers' support.

Though the third and fourth months of maternity leave are paid for by the Government, in general, when it comes to the annual appraisal exercise, most employers may only consider the fact of how many days the employee was present in the office.

I work at a statutory board. I took maternity leave during what was an off-peak season for my office.

Before I took my four months off, I worked additional hours to ensure that all my tasks and projects were completed prior to my baby's delivery. 

In fact, during my pregnancy, I was assigned with additional duties as my organisation was going for the Singapore Quality Special Commendation Award. 

However, my organisation did not recognise my effort during this period. During my appraisal after my maternity leave, I was told that I had performed well but my grading had to be marked down simply because I was not in the office for four months.

I can fully empathise with all working mothers here facing the same plight in the private sector.

Any policies that the Government wants to drive should, at the very least, start with ministries and statutory boards giving their whole-hearted support. 

Management mindsets must change - fast. 

 

Attitude of a new generation of would-be/parents

 "Children are not unaffordable; it's our wants that are." - Audrey Soo

[Updated 28 Jul 2011] Askmelah's Note: Looking at some of these complaint letters and you will know the uphill tasks faced by the Government. Both the Government and the parents are both guilty for grooming a whole new generation of citizens who ask what the Government can do for them instead of what they can do for their country, to paraphrase the famous quote by the late JFK.

Instead of solving the problems themselves, the new generation of parents and would-be parents will instead give all kind of excuses for not pro-creating from not able to afford the choice houses that they want (such as must be near town, must be a five room flat or DBSS), needing a maid to have quality time to asking Government to subsidise for IVF.  As MP Sam Tan rightly pointed out these are personal matters, this new generation must learn to be resilient: if you can not afford to own a house, rent it, buy a smaller flat or live with parents; if you can not afford a car, take the public transport; if you aspire to own a private property, work harder, take on a second job or be your own boss. Procreation is a personal matter and responsibility, the Government can help in some ways but they (the Government) should not be the reason for our personal choices of wanting to be parents. 

As one forumer observed, "If having your next generation is such a pain, my suggestion - DON'T. ", "Don't force yourself, don't go for more if it is too stressful." If the stress is being a salaried worker, be your own boss. If there is a will, there is a way! In the first letter, the writer who is a homemaker with only two kids see a full time helper (maid) as a entitlement and wants the government to waive the maid levy even for a stay-home mum. A maid is considered a luxury in Europe, Japan, Australia and America, the previous generation of Singaporean mothers (which is not too long ago) had many more kids and yet needed to do odd jobs to supplement the family income. Are our women too pampered?  

  

''If you find a woman you love, you marry her. If you have no money for a large wedding in a posh hotel, do it at a community centre. If you don't have a flat, rent a room. Marriage is not all about money. You don't need to wait for the Finance Minister to dish out incentives to get married. If you dream of starting a family, of a baby in your arms, just go for it. Do what is necessary and don't worry about enrichment classes. -  Sam Tan

    

Article 1: For full-time mum, a maid's a necessity

by Lenny Sofia Tomari

source: Todayonline  Feb 23, 2011

I have been a stay-home-mother (SAHM) for close to two years now. I left my full-time job as an assistant marcom manager in a local public-listed company in June 2009 to embark on IVF treatment. My husband and I came to the decision that I quit my job after considering the many "uncertainties" such as my state of health and the need to go back to the hospital every other day. Thankfully, I managed to conceive on our first attempt and delivered in March last year.

Throughout my pregnancy, we relied on the help of a part-time domestic helper. Even after returning from hospital and during my confinement, I did not have any full-time help. The part-time helper only came twice a week and helped with vacuuming, mopping, dusting and cleaning of toilets. On a daily basis, I did all the housework myself - and, on top of that, I personally coached my daughter (who was in Primary 3 last year), while my husband helped with looking after the baby. 

No doubt, many would expect a housewife to be able to juggle housework and the children. I do not know how my mother did it in the past but I realised I cannot do it. 

Being a SAHM has allowed me to continue breastfeeding my son even now - something I did not manage to do for my daughter as I had to return to work after two months. The biggest benefit has been that my son has not fallen sick since the day he was born. The bond between us is also very strong as I do not rely on bottles to feed him. It is tiring but worth all the trouble. 

Our son will be one next month, and our trusted helper has found a full-time job and is thus no longer able to help us. After much thought, my husband and I decided that we need a full-time helper. This is to allow more time for me to focus on my fast-growing son and help my daughter with her schoolwork. 

With a full-time helper, both my husband and I are also looking forward to spend more quality time as husband and wife. In the past year or so, we barely had time to sit down and chat, go for movie date, et cetera. Often, there has been a lot of tension between us. On my part, I was exhausted from the daily demands of housework and bringing up my children. On his part, it was the lack of attention from me, and his having to switch to babysitting mode as soon as he returned home from a long day at work. 

Despite being the sole breadwinner in the family, my husband is not entitled to the foreign maid levy relief. I feel it is time the Government extends this relief to fathers supporting a full-time housewife like me, who need to hire a maid.

The Government has talked of increasing the birth rate. Beyond the numbers, couples have to juggle work, family and the increasing expenses of having children. Our IVF expenses alone were over S$15,000. 

Many working mothers take a big pay cut to personally nurture their children. As a result, many fathers have to work harder, clocking longer hours in some cases, to bring enough "bacon" home for the wife and children who are solely depending on them. 

Engaging a full-time maid to help a SAHM cannot be considered a "luxury", especially when considering the many demands of raising a child nowadays and, more importantly, the need to maintain a healthy husband-wife relationship. 

   

Article 2: Housing prices can keep Cupid at bay

Source: The Straits Times  Jun 25, 2011

THE decline in marriage rate to a historic low last year is alarming ('Marriage rate drops to record low'; Thursday). This, combined with the record low fertility rate last year, presents an existential crisis for Singapore, within a few generations' time.

This news comes on the back of record high property prices, both in the private market as well as in public housing.

These two issues are inter-related. For example, I am looking to marry and have children soon, but the heavy debt burden of housing that I will be subject to for 30 years is a major discouraging factor that I will have to consider.

Similarly, many couples my age simply cannot afford to get married and have children, with the many financial burdens they are made to bear, such as servicing loans for university fees, forking out money for the upkeep of elderly parents, and dealing with rising inflation.

The cost of housing is by far the heaviest financial burden for people aiming to have kids and start a family, and if the Government is serious about tackling the national crisis in the severe decline of marriages and births, it must consider lowering public housing prices for first-time applicants.

This is a grave crisis and it must be dealt with more drastically, even if it means lowering the amount of money that will go into the reserves. The very existence of Singapore is at stake.

Nicholas Loh

Article 3: The key concerns of young couples

Source: The Straits Times  Jun 25, 2011

THE report on the fall in marriage rate ('Marriage rate drops to record low'; Thursday) comes right on the heels of news that our total fertility rate fell to a record low of 1.15 last year.

My wife and I are newly weds. Allow me to share the considerations that went through our minds before we got married.

Housing arrangements: This is an oft-cited factor and a very real one. The queues for Build-to-Order flats are long, and many home prices are sky-high.

Most young couples need a new place to live in after they get married as their parents' flats are usually too small to accommodate the growing family. Those who manage to get homes are forced to take out huge decades-long loans to finance the roofs over their heads.

All these create a domino effect on savings and time left for making babies after long hours of work.

Transport network: With trains and buses becoming overcrowded, husbands would not want their pregnant wives to jostle with the crowds while going to and from work.

Many young couples do not have enough excess savings to buy a car. Those who do get a vehicle usually have not much savings left to consider having children. It is way overdue for a whole-of-government approach to dealing with the sad situation.

Christopher Chong

   

Article 4: The other side of that miracle

Letter from Quek Wei Xiang

Source: Todayonline Feb 22, 2011

I REFER to the letter from Dr Lee Hock Seng, "An unmissable miracle" (Feb 18). 

While he may be correct in espousing the approach of emphasising the intangible benefits of having children, he also needs to consider these "facts" from a salaried worker's point of view. 

With reference to his five points:

- Having children is one of the essential requirements of living a good life but without the financial means (also another essential requirement), bringing children into the world only brings more suffering.

- Seeing children grow up is indeed a miraculous experience but many of us have jobs that see us out of the house from 8am to 8pm. Factoring in time for dinner and household chores, parents would only have time for their child after 9pm, when the little one would probably be asleep.

- Children's antics might bind a couple together but do not forget that it is a double-edged sword. It may be amusing the first time a child plays a prank, but, subsequently, it will get on parents' nerves when they just want peace and quiet after a hard day's work. 

- Yes, it is a great privilege to groom the next generation but do not forget that the child spends most of his/her time in school and outside the home, where he/she is easily influenced by friends and acquaintances.

- I do not feel a need to have a "recombinant form" with my beloved spouse. For me, and others of my generation (I am 26), we are still living with our parents as we are unable to afford or even get a house in Singapore. Why would there be a need to bring another being into the already small home?

Article 5: Memo from granddad: Toughen up on stress, or regress

Source: Straits Times 20 Oct 2012

I AM 65 years old. My grandfather's generation came to Malaya and Singapore as foreign workers for the British colonalists.

My father's generation, as the children of foreign talent, continued to work hard, sweating for their living. I grew up in a generation for whom stress was common, in education and in work, and we learnt to live with it - work took priority over work-life balance and our families accepted it.

These were the very strengths that made us hardy, and made us strive to better ourselves in whatever we did, and able to cope with the competition.

Because we were successful, my children's generation enjoyed an easier life. They now clamour for better work-life balance and less stress in education. So their children's generation may end up becoming less able to deal with stress, and less competitive.

Meanwhile, other countries are striving to do what we used to do. They may just overtake us and investors may move to them, leaving us behind.

If we are not careful, our next generation may find themselves having to become foreign talent in other countries. We would then have gone full circle, back to our forefathers' days.

Is this what we really want for our future generations?

Goh Khee Kuan

Having kids is a joy in itself/ New year, new baby, new joy

Editor's note: This is yet another example of the million-dollar ministers and governement officials just do not get it. Despite the million and million of precious tax dollars being wasted to encourage the procreation, the birth rate has not improved. Not only the baby bonus comes with many restrictions, it does not deliver to those who really needs it (my guess is a large proportion of the mothers really do not need it but nevertheless welcome since it is "free" money). As rightly pointed out by oo Gin Lee and Desiree Tan, the joy of parenthood overrides everything else and don't do it for the country, do it for yourself. Scrap the baby bonus schemes, create more child friendly facilities, promote the joy of parenthood and subsidise essential baby items such as milk powder. Subsidise or waive the delivery and hospital charges for those households who earn less than S$3000 if the governement is serious in helping the poor.

Source: ST Forum

Feb 7, 2011

MY HUSBAND and I are proud parents of three children and we share the same parenting joy as Mr Oo Gin Lee and his wife ('New year, new baby, new joy'; Saturday).

We had initially planned to stop at two after our daughter and son were born in 2006 and 2007. After all, we were already the envy of many with a girl and a boy. But watching the two of them grow into such adorable toddlers, we found ourselves yearning for one more child.

Our younger son was born in 2009 and we have had even more joy in the family ever since.

For us, having children was not about having someone to support and take care of us in old age. While enjoying five good years of married life, we had slowly discovered that there was this indescribable emptiness in our lives that could be filled only by children.

Now the house is filled with their laughter, ear-piercing cries, hugs, fights, kisses, sulking and a love that supersedes everything.

When our children came along, we as a couple embarked on the journey of parenting together. From shopping for baby essentials to educating the children to problem solving, we engaged in a lot more conversations and learnt to make decisions together for the family. Having children deepened our love for each other and strengthened our marriage.

Of course, moving from a carefree couple's life to family life requires some lifestyle adjustments, but with good planning and some sacrifices, these can be worked out.

I just want to echo the sentiments in Mr Oo's commentary: 'Don't do it for your country. Do it for yourself. And once you start, you will find that one is really not quite enough.'

Having babies should never be a decision made for the nation; it should be our choice.

Forget all the monetary benefits and pressures. The greatest motivation for having children, is having children itself.

Desiree Tan (Ms)